Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.
Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.
Comments (0) Posted on Tuesday, January 29th, 2008
Archive for the ‘humor’ Category
Filed under humor
Rounding the corner and turning the bend, I see a gigantic humongous pile of hay hiding in a corner of Discovery Hall. I soon learn that we are digging in this brown mass of grass. Of course the object we would search for was a prickly pointy needle. The seniors are cackling and chuckling to their hearts content. One wonders what joy they get out of this. Some people look gung ho others look really slow, some jump in and others yell. Our leaders did not yet tell us how to go about this in the most efficient productive way. Should we gently scrape off the straw or should we dig to the bottom and then search the ground. Oh! What a conundrum we were in.
We all get around the grass and attack it with our fleshbare hands. Sifting slowly, getting anxious, hoping not to get stabbed by a needle. All are getting weary. Are heart wonders if this mission is futile. Some people stand around with out even trying and others dive right in. A few of the upperclassmen pull out a luxurious used mattress and were lie on it snickering and taunting us. We have plans to get back at them. The desire arises in our hearts and we give the goats their grass, by this I mean we throw the hay in their faces. Oh, glory be they seemed to take it well. They even throw grass back at us. Amidst the chaos and confusion, people sit down and close their eyes to keep from getting assaulted. Others scoop up large piles and chuck it in the air to fall on all. The seniors suddenly seem not so pleased. Huddling in a circle, they regroup. In the tiny private pow-wow, they plan cruel punishment for us. They then say, “For every action their is an equal but opposite reaction.” Who can argue with physics right next to the office area of Mr. Disch. Oh, don’t you see? The hay blinds them to generosity. They plan revenge. Precisely in this instant, the man finds the needle and we all burst out in cheers full of exhilaration.
They then reveal their wicked device of making us crawl like a worm to the Pig. We all drag our feet to the sidewalk and march on down to Piggly. Pacing ourselves out took forever and ever and never and yet still some more time. The clock lost all meaning. TiCk. tOcK.TiCk. tOcK. The seniors scream and yell and pull out their hair trying to organize us unruly underclassmen. Oh, they must get out their whips and scourge us into line. Finally the marathon starts. The long worms wiggles its way back to campus.
The sun continues beating down on us. And the wind stirs. And the fires of our desire to win only burn brighter.
Comments (0) Posted on Tuesday, January 29th, 2008
CHRISTMAS IS…
A time of giving and loving
A time of getting a tree
A season of white snow and clear ice
A time to sing carols
A time of feasting
A time to be jolly
A time to hang lights on your house
A time for stockings on the mantle
A time to be thankful
A time we remember Jesus Christ’s birth
Glorious Garden
I like gardening outside when the birds
Are singing and it’s partly sunny
I can pull most weeds but have a hard time with prickers
I have a garden down by some huge trees
I dislike weeds that keep coming back again, again and again
I always hope to enjoy gardening
I never want to harm nature
I should weed more often than I do
I want to have a very good, pretty and well maintained garden
I wish that I could make my garden one mile long and wide
I fear that the weeds may take over
Recipe for a Good Year
Ingredients
5 TBS Remembering to say yes instead of yup or ya
24 oz. Can of listening
3 TBS Neatness
½ c. Organization
2 ½ c. Intelligence
4 c. Homework
1 c. Time
In a small bowl put in fun and intelligence, they go good together because intelligence is fun to have. Add a little of yes instead of yup or ya and stir. Repeat until it is all stirred in smooth. Let sit for seven hours. Carefully blend in listening; it is vital to this recipe. Chill for 45 min. Quickly whip in neatness. Set in sunny window for a few min. Pour in the organization. Blend. Last sprinkle in homework and time. Tip; always add a little extra time in the recipe; it will help your year.
Comments (0) Posted on Tuesday, January 29th, 2008
From the musical Malcom by Mr. Clark
Cordial is used to mean mandatory.
1. I’ve been up half the night
with two papers to write
And there’s no end in sight.
Do I put up fight?
No. You’ll find me in the chapel
‘Cause it’s CORDIAL
There’s a big test today.
I keep slaving away.
Though I hope and I pray.
There is nothing to say.
You will find me in the chapel.
‘Cause it’s CORDIAL
2. There’s a speaker on hand.
He’s the worst in the land
And he speaks only Greek
Which we don’t understand
But you’ll find us in the chapel
‘Cause it’s CORDIAL
There’s a concert this eve.
Though I fret and I grieve.
Yooohhh!! the grades I’ll receive.
Fellas, would you believe
You will find me in the chapel
‘Cause it’s CORDIAL
CHORUS for verses 1 and 2
It’s tremendous! It’s stupendous! It is certain to be an affair.
Though the courses get tougher, the averages suffer….
It’s CORDIAL and you better be there!
3. Though I’m down with the flu
And my term paper’s due,
Not to mention a few
Other things I must do,
You will find me in the chapel
‘Cause it’s CORDIAL
4. Though I have injuries
I sustained while on skies
I will crawl through the trees
On my hands and my knees
And I’ll be there in the chapel
‘Cause it’s CORDIAL
CHORUS for verse 3 and 4
This is awful! It’s unlawful! Give us room, give us light
Come flood, fire or quake you must make no mistake.
To complain is no use, You don’t have an excuse.
Though the courses get tougher and the averages suffer,
It’s CORDIAL and you better be there.
Comments (0) Posted on Saturday, January 19th, 2008
Written by Mr. Clark…Cordial: Wayland slang for mandatory. Cordial really means affable.
There’s gonna be a dance
I had another plan
I wanted to go to town to see a dog about a man
But they cooked my goose
It’s no use
Because– IT”S CORDIAL
that’s what the man said
My boy friend’s in town
I thought we’d have a talk
I thought we might even have a little walk
But they caught me flat
Can’t have that chat
Because it’s cordial.
I ought to write a letter
I need shampoo
I gotta study history and algebra too
I oughta clean my room
And have a manicure
But the’re takin’ me over to dance in that gymnasium, sure
Because it’s CORDIAL
That’s what the man said
I guess it’s cordial
I’m out of my head
I’ll go to the dance, but goodbye to romance
Because it’s cordial.
Finis–
You can tell that man
It’s a wonderful plan
To have it CORDIAL.
Based on Dr. Hicks way of announcing that attendance was compulsory. –1948
Comments (0) Posted on Saturday, January 19th, 2008
>Here are a few things you have probably never thought about:
>Can you cry under water?
>How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?
>Why do you have to “put your two cents in”.. . but it’s only a “penny
for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?
>Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you
were buried in for eternity?
>Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
>What disease did cured ham actually have?
>How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would
be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
>Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake
up like every two hours?
>If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
>Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?
>Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?
>Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to
see you naked anyway.
>Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural
>Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
>Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
>If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a
coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
>Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re
both dogs!
>If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why
didn’t he just buy dinner?
>If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
what is baby oil made from?
>Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same
tune?
>Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Comments (0) Posted on Saturday, January 19th, 2008
Rounding the corner and turning the bend, I see a gigantic humongous pile of hay hiding in a corner of Discovery Hall. I soon learn that we are digging in this brown mass of grass. Of course the object we would search for was a prickly pointy needle. The seniors are cackling and chuckling to their hearts content. One wonders what joy they get out of this. Some people look gung ho others look really slow, some jump in and others yell. Our leaders did not yet tell us how to go about this in the most efficient productive way. Should we gently scrape off the straw or should we dig to the bottom and then search the ground. Oh! What a conundrum we were in.
We all get around the grass and attack it with our fleshbare hands. Sifting slowly, getting anxious, hoping not to get stabbed by a needle. All are getting weary. Are heart wonders if this mission is futile. Some people stand around with out even trying and others dive right in. A few of the upperclassmen pull out a luxurious used mattress and were lie on it snickering and taunting us. We have plans to get back at them. The desire arises in our hearts and we give the goats their grass, by this I mean we throw the hay in their faces. Oh, glory be they seemed to take it well. They even throw grass back at us. Amidst the chaos and confusion, people sit down and close their eyes to keep from getting assaulted. Others scoop up large piles and chuck it in the air to fall on all. The seniors suddenly seem not so pleased. Huddling in a circle, they regroup. In the tiny private pow-wow, they plan cruel punishment for us. They then say, “For every action their is an equal but opposite reaction.” Who can argue with physics right next to the office area of Mr. Disch. Oh, don’t you see? The hay blinds them to generosity. They plan revenge. Precisely in this instant, the man finds the needle and we all burst out in cheers full of exhilaration.
They then reveal their wicked device of making us crawl like a worm to the Pig. We all drag our feet to the sidewalk and march on down to Piggly. Pacing ourselves out took forever and ever and never and yet still some more time. The clock lost all meaning. TiCk. tOcK.TiCk. tOcK. The seniors scream and yell and pull out their hair trying to organize us unruly underclassmen. Oh, they must get out their whips and scourge us into line. Finally the marathon starts. The long worms wiggles its way back to campus.
The sun continues beating down on us. And the wind stirs. And the fires of our desire to win only burn brighter.
Comments (0) Posted on Tuesday, January 29th, 2008
CHRISTMAS IS…
A time of giving and loving
A time of getting a tree
A season of white snow and clear ice
A time to sing carols
A time of feasting
A time to be jolly
A time to hang lights on your house
A time for stockings on the mantle
A time to be thankful
A time we remember Jesus Christ’s birth
Glorious Garden
I like gardening outside when the birds
Are singing and it’s partly sunny
I can pull most weeds but have a hard time with prickers
I have a garden down by some huge trees
I dislike weeds that keep coming back again, again and again
I always hope to enjoy gardening
I never want to harm nature
I should weed more often than I do
I want to have a very good, pretty and well maintained garden
I wish that I could make my garden one mile long and wide
I fear that the weeds may take over
Recipe for a Good Year
Ingredients
5 TBS Remembering to say yes instead of yup or ya
24 oz. Can of listening
3 TBS Neatness
½ c. Organization
2 ½ c. Intelligence
4 c. Homework
1 c. Time
In a small bowl put in fun and intelligence, they go good together because intelligence is fun to have. Add a little of yes instead of yup or ya and stir. Repeat until it is all stirred in smooth. Let sit for seven hours. Carefully blend in listening; it is vital to this recipe. Chill for 45 min. Quickly whip in neatness. Set in sunny window for a few min. Pour in the organization. Blend. Last sprinkle in homework and time. Tip; always add a little extra time in the recipe; it will help your year.
Comments (0) Posted on Tuesday, January 29th, 2008
From the musical Malcom by Mr. Clark
Cordial is used to mean mandatory.
1. I’ve been up half the night
with two papers to write
And there’s no end in sight.
Do I put up fight?
No. You’ll find me in the chapel
‘Cause it’s CORDIAL
There’s a big test today.
I keep slaving away.
Though I hope and I pray.
There is nothing to say.
You will find me in the chapel.
‘Cause it’s CORDIAL
2. There’s a speaker on hand.
He’s the worst in the land
And he speaks only Greek
Which we don’t understand
But you’ll find us in the chapel
‘Cause it’s CORDIAL
There’s a concert this eve.
Though I fret and I grieve.
Yooohhh!! the grades I’ll receive.
Fellas, would you believe
You will find me in the chapel
‘Cause it’s CORDIAL
CHORUS for verses 1 and 2
It’s tremendous! It’s stupendous! It is certain to be an affair.
Though the courses get tougher, the averages suffer….
It’s CORDIAL and you better be there!
3. Though I’m down with the flu
And my term paper’s due,
Not to mention a few
Other things I must do,
You will find me in the chapel
‘Cause it’s CORDIAL
4. Though I have injuries
I sustained while on skies
I will crawl through the trees
On my hands and my knees
And I’ll be there in the chapel
‘Cause it’s CORDIAL
CHORUS for verse 3 and 4
This is awful! It’s unlawful! Give us room, give us light
Come flood, fire or quake you must make no mistake.
To complain is no use, You don’t have an excuse.
Though the courses get tougher and the averages suffer,
It’s CORDIAL and you better be there.
Comments (0) Posted on Saturday, January 19th, 2008
Written by Mr. Clark…Cordial: Wayland slang for mandatory. Cordial really means affable.
There’s gonna be a dance
I had another plan
I wanted to go to town to see a dog about a man
But they cooked my goose
It’s no use
Because– IT”S CORDIAL
that’s what the man said
My boy friend’s in town
I thought we’d have a talk
I thought we might even have a little walk
But they caught me flat
Can’t have that chat
Because it’s cordial.
I ought to write a letter
I need shampoo
I gotta study history and algebra too
I oughta clean my room
And have a manicure
But the’re takin’ me over to dance in that gymnasium, sure
Because it’s CORDIAL
That’s what the man said
I guess it’s cordial
I’m out of my head
I’ll go to the dance, but goodbye to romance
Because it’s cordial.
Finis–
You can tell that man
It’s a wonderful plan
To have it CORDIAL.
Based on Dr. Hicks way of announcing that attendance was compulsory. –1948
Comments (0) Posted on Saturday, January 19th, 2008
>Here are a few things you have probably never thought about:
>Can you cry under water?
>How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?
>Why do you have to “put your two cents in”.. . but it’s only a “penny
for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?
>Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you
were buried in for eternity?
>Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
>What disease did cured ham actually have?
>How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would
be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
>Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake
up like every two hours?
>If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
>Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?
>Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?
>Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to
see you naked anyway.
>Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural
>Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
>Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
>If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a
coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
>Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re
both dogs!
>If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why
didn’t he just buy dinner?
>If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
what is baby oil made from?
>Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same
tune?
>Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Comments (0) Posted on Saturday, January 19th, 2008